An email

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From: Scarlet Ma
Date: May 16, 2007
Subject: Re: Dear Darling...
To: Dorothy
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Hey Darling

Just as I've discussed with Daniel, I believe there's a God. But why does it have to be the Christian God? That's the question!

I'm lost, because when I said I left Christianity, it means I've also left behind the whole way of life that religion tells me to live. Saying that I'm a Christian is a relatively easy way to know how to lead my life. I read the Bible, go to Church, and do what the Bible and the Church tells me to. The Bible and the Church people also tell me who I am, the reason why God created me, my purpose in life... And Church makes sure that you have someone to turn to when you are desperate. Christianity is the whole package. It's easy, much easier than to go through the painful process of finding out all the answers for yourself.

But I don't want to be lazy. I'd rather feel lost than simply accept what other people tell me. I don't want to tell myself every morning that I believe in Jesus Christ, just because I'm not that sure I do. In the past, when I was in Church, I rarely doubted if Jesus is the real God, and had rarely doubted if everything in the Bible were correct. When I did have doubts, I asked people at Church and they answered. Sometimes I didn't really think the answers made perfect sense, but I thought it was because I wasn't as spiritual as they were. I accepted their answers and when people asked me questions, I told them what other people told me, which were things I had never verified myself. That was wrong.

Someone said different religions provide many pathways to get closer to the same God, but at the same time, not any religion can "own" / "define" God because individual religions are limited. I'm not sure if it's totally true, but for now, it makes more sense to me than just accepting everything the Bible tells me.

So, I didn't say I'm not a Christian because I am no longer close to Christ. And it's not like I dont' believe in God anymore. I do believe in God. As I've said, maybe one day I'll become a Christian again. If that's the case, I'll become a better Christian. Or maybe I never will. Whether or not I do, I am taking a step forward, because I am trying to find the truth.

So no worries, I'll be fine.

By the way, I love your blue sky green tree pic! :)

Take care!

Your SS :P

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Photo: Dorothy Lam